Monday, December 10, 2007

Vick Sentenced to Almost 14 Dog Years

Mike Vick was sentenced to 23 months today by a Federal Judge due to his role in the highly under publicized dog fighting scandal he was caught up in recently.

My puppy thinks he got off easy and told me, "Woof woof......23 months doesn't adequately remedy the damage that he has done to his community. He has set back the public image of young black athletes a decade because of his antics. Woof."

The current over/under on Vick references for tonights MNF football game between the Falcons and the Saints is currently set at 58.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


I go to this morning and see these guys on their homepage:

Squanto and Pocahontas would surely not approve
I'm a tough one to offend, but I would imagine many people would find a couple whiteys painting their faces red in imitation of an Amos n' Andy era logo kind of fucked up.

What, it wasn't enough to take their land and kill them thru epidemics?

Now we publicize our comical view of their appearance all over the media.

I'm not saying the Indians logo is hurtful or that these guys shouldn't be allowed to dress up like that and go to the game...

I just think they shouldn't have been shown at all (let alone too many times to count) by Fox on TV and as the headline photo on the country's most popular sports website.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Another WIS Promo Code...

I came across another promotional code for WhatIfSports.
This one's good for a free season of Gridiron Dynasty at

The code is CFBPCKGD

It expires at the end of November...

I've never played the game, I'm not really into College Football, so we'll see how it goes...

If interested in playing alongside me, I'm in World 6, in the Old Dominion Athletic Conference at Randolph Macon...

Gridiron Dynasty

In other news...

Is anyone else really excited about the upcoming American Gangster movie?

That shit looks gangsta.

Any movie that takes place in the 70's, involves non-fiction gangsters, drugs, 'nam, and Russell Crowe is gonna be awesome. That commerical with Heart of the City by Jay-Z playing (who's doing the whole soundtrack (music inspired by the movie)) really has me geeked up for it. I feel like they made that movie for my own personal entertainment.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Knicks Have Interesting Vehicle for Exciting Community

I'm watching The Office last night and during a commercial break I check out the Knicks exhibition game against Marcus Fizer and the Maccabi Elite Tel Aviv on the MSG channel. It too goes to commerical...

And what a commercial it was. Check this shit out:

Parents, it's available for Bat Mitzvahs!

The Groove Truck. Dolan was apparently disappointed the name "Bang Bus" was already taken.

The commercial shows a whole lot of balls flying around and some shots of Knicks players... Starbury included.Backseat Bangerz

There's no doubt Knicks community-relations coordinator Kathleen Decker had a hand in this concept. That bitch. It's ok, I'm white too. That fat white golddiggin' slut bitch. Really, it's ok.

So, are you going to get in the truck?

Fuck. No. See that shit, run.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Fuck you too, Tommy.

So Glavine's going to be declining his player option for 2008...

How will the Mets ever replace this saboteur?

For hard hitting sports coverage, I always go to the Village Voice... They had some good shots at the un-devastated one here...

As my send off, I give you the public this:

I came across his wife's email address when I was doing the post about Tommy's quest for 300... I thought it would be inappropriate to post though. Now, not so much.

Feel free to e-mail Christine and Tommy your best wishes on their future endeavors.

fucking white people

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Worst Collapse Ever? It's not so bad... It's not so bad...

So the Mets are once again the butt of the jokes...
Familiar territory for this Mets fan unfortunately.

Anyway... here's why I don't feel this "collapse" was the worst ever:

To be a true calamity, you would think the team was just steamrolling any and all comers and fell apart at the end. This team was not rolling any steam since the summer started. The 2007 Mets record by month went as follows:
  • April: 15-9
  • May: 19-9
  • June: 12-15
  • July: 13-14
  • August: 15-13
  • September: 14-14

Check out that September record. 14-14. The horror! No. It was their second best record in the past 4 months. This team was very mediocre.

Not sure if you heard this, but the Mets lost the biggest lead with the least games to play (7 game lead with 17 games left). Wow. That fucking sucks.
Doesn't sound worse to me than the 64' Phillies though. The Phillies lost a 6 1/2 game lead with 12 games left to play that year. With 13 games left, the Mets lead had already gone all the way down to 1 1/2. This collapse happened 2 weeks ago, not in the last weekend.

Once the year got rolling I never got the feeling that these guys would amount to much.
Their starting pitchers were led by a 40 something El Duque who can't stay healthy when it matters most, a 42 year old Atlanta Brave reject who already reached the milestone that he cared too much about and was obviously anxious to hit the links, a former great in Pedro who unfortunately was getting into shape in the games that mattered the most, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in Oliver Perez, and John Maine, who I have nothing bad to say about other than he was getting worse and worse as the year went on, but totally redeemed himself Saturday. Sprinkle in turds like Brian Lawrence, Chan Ho Park and the garbage rookies, and there's no way this team goes anywhere. Combine them with a shakey bullpen that got overworked by the end of the year and it's suprising the team went as far as they did. It wasn't going to get it done. And that's the main reason why I'm not too disappointed by this.

Here's my hope:
This is just the kick in the ass these mf'ers need to play to the best of their ability. If they cruised into the playoffs and made it to the World Series, dancing their way there, and got their ass kicked by teams with not just a good lineup, but good starting pitching too, then maybe this season would have been a success. And I probably would have agreed. And then they would have played the same complacent, hot doggin' way next year. And they'd never reach their potential.

But with this... This has to humble the shit out these guys. Maybe these assholes won't do the dumb shit they've been doing (making the last out of an inning stealing 3rd base, getting picked off 2nd base, making 10 errors in 2 must win games to the Nationals, dancing and shit). They've got a lot to prove. Now they'll have the ol' chip on the shoulder. How will they react? I'm anxious to see.

the fuck are you so happy about?(unfortunately for the Mets, Mr. Delgado was unable to carry Jeter's jock)

I'm resigned to the fact that the teams I root for don't win (and lose in ball crunching fashion). Between the Mets, Jets, and Knicks I've had my share of heartache over the 20 something years of blind faith in them. Kind of numb to the whole disappointment thing at this point. A glutton for punishment apparently. But I don't give up on them. I live here... and they play here. They're my teams. For better or worse. That's how it goes.

And when any of them finally win it... all this bitterness will make it that much sweeter.
That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

I'm Done

As of September 27, 2007 I am no longer a fan of the Mets. That was the day I stopped watching the team. After getting the shit kicked out of them by HGH boy and the Cardinals, I knew it was over. I didn't watch a single inning or read one article about this shitty team. I have had it! This fucking team has broken my heart so many different times I can't take anymore. It all started for me...............

-In 1990 offseason when they let Strawberry go to L.A and choked to the Pirates down the stretch
-1992's infamous Worst Team Money can buy.
-1998's choke in the last five games against the Expos sandwiched between 10 years of misery
-Trading for Armondo Benitez and Bobby Bonilla before the 1999 season
-Getting the shit beat out of us every year by Atlanta from 1995-2007
-2000 WS
-Brian Jordan's grand slam off of John Franco after 9/11to end the season
-Benitez blowing three saves in a row to Atlanta that same week in 01'
-Having John Franco as the closer for what seemed like ten years
-Then Mel Rojas then Benitez then Looper then Billy Wagner
-Losing 2 out of three games to the Yankees every time they play each other in interleague play
-Wilpon not giving Arod what he deserved in 2000
-Wilpon then not signing Guerrero a couple of years later
-Beltran sriking out LOOKING
-Not resigning Bradford
-And finally the joke that was 2007

Well Fuck You New York Mets I'm Done

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Soulja Boy- Crank That (Travis Barker Remix)

I actually think Travis Barker is a GIGANTIC tool, but this is pretty cool:

Thursday, September 13, 2007


This interview with Stephon "Hope in My Truck" Marbury is just weird.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The Onion

I used to love picking up a copy of The Onion anytime I was down in Manhattan, and I am still a devoted fan of I am happy to say that after some tepid success when it first started, The Onion News Network (The Onion's fake news channel) has finally hit its stride.

In case you aren't "in the know", here are a few clips to get you hooked.

Should We Be Shaming Our Obese Children?

In The Know: Should We Be Shaming Obese Children More?

Multiple Stab Wounds Bad for Monkey's Life

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

The Terror of Terrorist Ghosts

In The Know: War On Terror

Monday, August 13, 2007

Inappropriate Hugs Gives Back to the Children

We here at IH know that the children are our future, so with a little help from GI Joe, here are some tips for all you little rascals that read this website.

Hide and Seek....Not Suffocate and Die:

Don't Steal a Gay Sailor's Bicycle:

Don't Take Medicine Unless A Black Man in a 1930's Football Helmet Gives You the Green Light:

This one is only included because BBQ's accent was just ridiculous:

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Chocolate Rain

If you watch more than 2 minutes of this video, you will be singing this song for the rest of the week. Guaranteed.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

This might take awhile...

Fun stuff watching the Mets game last night...

I'm not a big Tom Glavine fan (years of him pitching for the Braves will do that), so I'm in no rush to see him get his 300th win.

Man he must be pissed this morning...

He only gave up two hits, the Mets missed many opportunities to break the game open, and he had to rely on the awful Guillermo Mota in the 8th to hold the lead.

He trotted his whole family out to freaking Milwaukee to see it...

And that's where the real highlights of the game were.

When SNY interviewed his foxy wife, she seemed like she was going to fall to pieces if he didn't get the win... And when the Mets blew the game in the 8th, she looked like someone whose kitten just got hit by a car. Funny stuff.

I will definitely be watching the next one in Chicago. I hate all the coverage about him and his quest for 300 wins, but I can tolerate it if I get to see him get shafted like that along with the numerous shots of his angry, sexy wife.

Here's the best I could do for a picture of his lovely second wife Christine: milfy

If this keeps up, there will surely be more.

Also, it was kind of weird that the Milwaukee fans gave him a standing ovation when he came out of the game. I understand there's no bad blood between the Brewers and Glavine, but if I was on the Brewers I'd be a bit disappointed by my fans with that...


Maybe the Mets can pick up a dominant middle reliever so we won't have to worry about this next time? What's that, the trade deadline passed? Oh well. Maybe next year.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Curtain Call: Curtis Martin

martin & lil' curtis When I heard that Curtis Martin was planning to officially announce his retirement, my first thought was, "No shit, you mean he's not gonna run around 350 lb motherfuckers with that bone on bone? Everyone knows he's not playing again. Is the announcement really necessary?"

Well, apparently it was for me.

As I see stories about his retirement and I hear ad-nauseam how he's 4th on the All-Time NFL Rushing List, I realize, as a Jets fan and a fan of the NFL, I should have been a bit more appreciative of him and his career.

I did the math in my head on what 4th on the All-Time Rushing list meant... Emmitt Smith of the Arizona Cardinals shamelessly broke Walter Payton's record, and Barry Sanders was nipping at Payton's record when he hung em' up, so that means Martin's behind those 3 guys. Really? That's pretty fucking incredible. I didn't feel like I was watching the 4th most successful rusher in NFL history. But I should have.

good times
On top of being the team's all-time leading rusher, something that really puts what he's meant to the Jets franchise in perspective is all the way down at the bottom of his Wikipedia entry:

New York Jets Starting Running Back
Preceded by Adrian Murrell
Succeeded by Kevan Barlow

I would be remiss not to acknowledge his off the field triumphs as well. Curtis had a tough upbringing, but made it out as successfully as one could. In this day and age of self-promotion, commercialism and stupidity, Curtis kept a relatively low profile (outside of one awful McDonald's commercial with that whore Tiki). A true class act, in a time when they're so hard to find.

It's been tough being a Jets fan my whole life, but Curtis Martin surely made it a whole lot more respectable for almost a decade. His character and abilities will be missed.


happy trails

Friday, July 20, 2007

A Closer Look at Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! ...

I read this post about Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! from Little Brother rapper Phonte's blog and wanted to share it with the group here... Very funny stuff...
The game was developed by some Japanese guys, not whitey... so his theory can't be all true... Unless those Nintendo guys were just a front... Could be...
If you want to stroll down memory lane without digging out and blowin' the ol' NES game, you can play it here, courtesy of a link provided by Chase Utley's # 1 Grown Male-fan.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Movie Star Machine:

Check out the trailer. I found out last night that i was in this movie, and the trailer, and was invited to the premiere tonight, it won a Sundance!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Hockey Fights

With the coming out of the NHL schedule yesterday. I would like the world to start getting pumped up for hockey by paying tribute some of the best hockey fighters that have ever played in the NHL. It may be a lost art in this sport, but it will never be totally outlawed.

The best of all-time: Bob Probert

The Best Heavyweight Series: Bob Probert vs Tie Domi (9 fights total)

A close second: The Southpaw Dave Brown (Stu Grimson was a great fighter as well)

Today's Best Overall: George Laraque (Brute Strength)

The Best Knock Out Ever: Coltin Orr vs Todd Fedoruk

Best Goalie Fight: Dan Cloutier (The rookie Whoops Some Isle Ass)

A Close Second: Ray Emery vs the Buffalo Sabres (the whole team)

Rickey's gonna teach y'all how to hit now.

Look at the way Rickey hold the bat This is great news for the NY sports media...

Having Rickey as the batting instructor on this team with such frustrating hitting practices should provide much fodder. Good times are coming...

Hopefully we'll get some more John Olerud, "Used to play wit' a guy who wore a helmet in the field back in Toronto" type encounters... I love that one.
And any grown man who refers to themself in the third person is comedy gold...Rickey's World, Rickey's World, La La, La, La LaaaGood to hear Rick Down went out taking a shot at Ledee... Kudos for that.

Watch your back Julio Franco... Rickey's bout' to cop that roster spot.

In all seriousness... I like the change. This team's too damn complacent with their offensive struggles. And Rickey's a straight-shooter who likes to shake shit up nowadays. He did a great job working with Reyes... The players gotta listen to a guy with Rickey's credentials more than Rick who never made it passed AA ball. Hopefully that translates into better hitting.I can do better than .240

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Wait till 2011

Let's face it, the Knicks will probably never win a championship as long as Dolan is the owner. This is the same guy who hired Scott Layden and gave Don Chaney two contract extensions. Ohhh and I almost forgot to mention he gave Isiah Thomas a 5 year 30 million dollar extension.

This team is pretty much screwed. I really wasn't too happy with the Randolph trade because he is just another scorers who doesn't play defense or make his teamates any better. Wow, the Knicks gave up nothing but they didn't really gain anything either. The bar is set so low I guess that's why some people are happy with this trade but I'm not one of them.

I would love for the Knicks to dump Marbury but that will never happen because he makes as much money as Kobe Bryant. I really don't like Eddy Curry..........I hate this whole Fucking team. They are a complete mess and Isiah has no clue what he is doing. This jerkoff has ruined this team, and I think it is time we start thinking about becoming Brooklyn Net fans.

I have come up with a solution for the Knicks. Don't take on another contract longer then 3 years. The reason is simple. This is what the free agent class of 2011 looks like.

1 Bosh
2 Amare
3 Dirk
4 Lebron
5 Wade
6 Oden
7 Kobe
8 Parker

If Isiah doesn't make a move till then we will be under the cap bc every contract will be expired.
Lebron will be 26 then too.

For now let's trade Crawford and Nate for Battier.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Dice-K the Last of the Mohicans?

Where has the creativity gone? The fun? The popularity? It is true the nickname has fallen. With exception of Dice-K (I know I dogged his nickname on a past post, but that is not the point of this current post), the use of nicknames in professional Sports is at pandemic low levels. Could Dice-K be last sportsman to ever don a nickname? Nicknames are an integral part of the game and need to make a comeback in a strong way.
Here is the article from Newsweek on the issue:

Some of my favorites:
Everyday Eddie Guardado
Lou the Douche
The Machine
Hells Bells (Trevor Hoffman)
The Sultan of Swat (Babe Ruth)
Hammer'in Hank Aaron
Jolt'in Joe (DiMaggio)
The Great One (Wayne Gretzky)
The Messiah (Mark Messier)
Prime Time (Deion Sanders)
Oil Can (Dennis) Boyd
The Wizard of Oz (Ozzie Smith)
The Matrix (Shaun Marion)

Life After Mike

After my main man Mike Tyson was finally put out of his misery by that hasbeen from Ireland, a part of me was sad. We all grew up playing the video game and later on, watching the "Free Tyson" shirts in the Naughty by Nature videos. In the 90s after Mike got out of jail, everyone was curious to see if he could revert back to his old form. It took a bunch of ass beatings for everyone including Mike himself to realize he was done.

Now, boxing's biggest draw is De La Hoya, who is well past his prime and overrated. Boxing is also hurt by mixed martial arts mania which is fastly becoming the 3rd most watched sport in the country. I really don't understand why. These guys would get the shit beat out of them by any good prize fighter in boxing. A lot of mixed martial arts fans would retort by saying that the boxer would be grappled and wrestled to submission. From what I have seen a good boxer would knock these martial arts guys out before they were grappled.

There seems to be a consensus among boxing experts and journalists, that the current heavyweight champion is playing in the NFL or the NBA. The names in the heavyweight divison are names out of a Cold War espionage novel. Every contender seeming has left the former Soviet Union for the boxing riches in America. American athletes especially in the inner city want to chase the cash that the NFL and the NBA offer.

I put together a list of guys in boxing that are interesting and talented.

1. "Bad" Chad Dawson 24-0 beat the living shit out of Jesus Ruiz who is hard throwing light heavyweight. Dawson is a light heavyweight and is a guy who will rule this division.

2. Winky Wright this guy is one of the most underrated in his division. Look for him to school Bernard Hopkins in their upcoming bout.

3. Evander Holyfield. The guy is punch drunk and 44 years old but give him credit he won his last two fights and might get a shot at the title. And what's not to love about a guy who has more kids than Shawn Kemp.

4. Floyd Mayweather Jr. Pound for pound the best fighter in the sport. He is cocky and awesome. Plus he kicked the shit out of De La Hoya.

5. Miguel Cotto. The new hero of Puerto Rico replacing Trinidad. This guy might be the only middleweight to beat Mayweather Jr. He is quick,tough,and when he fights people they are never the same.

Friday, July 6, 2007


He is an integral part of their success. I know he is an above average fielder, has decent speed, and is a decent bat for CF. But I am not a fan. It seems to me that everytime he comes up in a big spot he does nothing. You guys saw him light it up at philly but I still think he sucks. He is on my alltime hated list with the likes of:
1. Pat Ewing
2. John Franco
3. Armondo Benitez
4. Scott (the ass sniffer) Brosius
5. Robby Alomar
6. Clarence Weatherspoon
7. Antonio McDyess
8. Scott Layden
9. Steve Phillips
10.Howard Eisley
Feel free to add to the list.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Kissena Pigskin Cash

I am reporting that the 2007 Kissena Pigskin Cash ESPN Fantasy Football site is now live as of 07/05/07 at 1900hrs. For all those involved in the keeper league please check the site and your e-mail for more details.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Road Trip Review

Last week, the annual Great American Baseball Road Trip took place...
Following the success of the quickly thrown together trip to Cleveland and Pittsburgh last season, this years trip was less strenuous, more planned out, and did not disappoint.

The destinations were Baltimore and Philadelphia... Their opponents were the Yankees and the Mets. How would cheering on our respective home teams go in visiting parks? Very well...

We (Big Nasty, Bad Steve, Young James, and Anthony (no nickname)) drove down from NY on Thursday. It was a brutally hot day and made for a general group malaise upon arrival in dilapidated Baltimore. After walking around the humid, beggar-laden harbor for a bit and getting our pre-game eat and drink on, we went over to the breath-taking Camden Yards. Not sure what else one would want out of a ballpark than that. Perhaps a real team to play in it maybe.

Pretty Park

There were too many Yankees fans in our section. It was like we were in Yankee Stadium, except everyone was white and knew each other... Not really a fun group to be stuck around. So there was absolutely no threat of getting into anything with any of the Orioles fans unfortunate enough to be where we were sitting.

the South, SOUTH Bronx
The game was tight between Wang and Cabrera... Typical entertaining AL game: lots of back and forth and running around bases... Then the clouds opened up and the night was pretty fucked. We left our seats for higher, drier ground... And we found our way to a couple groups that felt the need to punch each other in the heads based on their rooting interests. The guys in the Ripken t-shirts were on one side against the black guys who weren't security guards.

We waited out a couple rain delays and the game was eventually called with the Yankees leading by 2 in the 8th, to be picked up from that point on July 27th when the Yankees come back to town. Don't think we're gonna drive down to see it when play resumes. Scott Proctor can blow that lead without our help for sure. The rain did let up but we were left soggy so we just walked around lovely Baltimore and called it a night. The highlight of our trip to the hotel was accidentally walking thru the mega-sketchy strip-club block and having one of the barker's say, "I smell pussies" after we declined his invite to come in with no cover charge. Fucking degenerates.

The next morning we headed right out for Philly for the 1:30 game... Of course, the rain resumed in the morning and it looked like another shit day for a ballgame.
Lotsa Parking Lots, not much sceneryFortunately, it let up and the game started as scheduled. They do have some really good food options at Citizen's Bank Park... but all in all it wasn't as nice as some of the other parks we've gone to (hard to get to our seats, can't walk around stadium without detours, parking and traffic a bitch, far from downtown).Philly's there somewhere

After some shenanigans by Charlie Manuel got El Duque pissed off,

things were looking good for the visiting Mets as my man Delgado smashed a homer out of this ballparks silly dimensions.
There were plenty of Mets fans here... But they were spaced out whereas the Yankee fans seemed more clustered in Camden. When the Mets opened up a 5 run lead, it was time to go exploring...

While waiting on a line for some ice cream, some poor woman got hit by a mustard bomb. I didn't see it happen, but I heard it. And after it happened, no joke, she was wiping mustard off her face for 10 minutes (a lot of people wanted ice cream so I got a long look at the mess). I felt bad for her. It was right in front of the "smoking pen" which is gross in its own right, and many people were laughing. I didn't laugh, but I did feel the need to document her plight. Mustard bomb lady, if you're out there, I feel for you.
Does anyone have a tissue or a napkin?
Any ticket holder can get dangerously close to the visitor's bullpen here. In fact I might have gotten a steroid contact high just from standing there.
Hello Mota
When we got back to our seats, Jose Reyes was stewing for being called out trying to steal. The replay showed he was safe, but he really acted like a baby about it between innings, refusing to put his glove and hat on, not throwing the ball around, needing the Latino coalition to counsel him...

Mota and the rest of the pen did what they could to give the game back, but Billy da Kid was coming on in the 9th, much to the delight of the fans, especially the dick in the Romano jersery...

A "Let's Go Phillies" chant was quickly turned around into "Let's go Billy" and stupid Phillie fans clapped along with us... 3 up, and 3 k's later, Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "Taking Care of Business" was being sung by a horribly clapping Anthony and it was party time.
After a miserable time getting out of the parking lot (gotta love split double-headers), we headed to the famous dueling Cheesesteak spots, Pat's and Geno's.
Geno needs neon signing to sell cheesesteaks
Going off anonymous recommendations and appearance of the lines, we opted for Pat's.
classy bunch on this line Cheez whiz, onions, and steak is the bomb.
4 nerds eating cheesesteaks
We then checked into our nice downtown Philly hotel and got in shape for the night-time activities. This is Anthony's hairy left foot while ironing. His pinky toe nails were the subject of much ballyhoo.
Does anyone know a good podiatrist?
For the second game of the double header, we cheered the Mets on at a local pub. After Wagner closed the Phillies out again and we exchanged high-fives, a girl behind us asked to no one in particular, "Do they realize they're in Philadelphia? New York Mother Fuckers." That was fun. We eventually moved on to the next establishment where we were treated much better by the lovely women of Philadelphia the rest of the night.

All in all, a great trip, with Baltimore having the nicer ballpark, but Philly having the waaaay nicer city for a young man.

And as a treat, here's the CD that was made especially for the trip that never made it due to a good ol' CD burner malfunction. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Podium Girls' Burden

kissykissySure seems like an easy payday... Stand up there, look pretty, and give a peck on the cheek to the victorious athlete.

But check out Mr. Schleck's snot drip shortly after peddling to victory in the 4th Stage of the Tour de Suisse in Liechtenstein Tuesday...Does anyone have a napkin or a tissue?

That's some nasty shit... I give the chicks some credit for hanging in there and finishing the job.

One would think having a name like Schleck and looking all nasty in biker shorts and shit would turn the girls away... However, judging by this pic of him smirking on the cell with the broad to his right, he's doing mighty fine.It's not fair.

I always hated guys who do faggy things and pull hot bitches. These bastards may be the worst of them. But checking out some of these pics, I wonder if it's not too late for me to stuff a sock in my draws and squeeze into some spandex, throw on some Oakley's and a Pop Tarts jacket, do a few dozen cycles of anabolics, and get in the race.

If Landis can get a spritey looking chick

Fuck outta here.

and Mr. Pink Tie-Dyed Discovery Channel Shirt dork can get this girl rubbing up on him...How the fuck?

not likely

then what's stopping me?

Oh yeah... talent, ambition, and a sponsor. Damn.

Before the House of Hilton Bred Whores

Before the House of Hilton Bred Whores….

June 13th, 2007
There’s a great quip told that when someone wants to act stupid, get out of their way and let them. This general notion, I submit, needs to be extended to cover other acts. Considering there has been much concern expressed that Paris may be putting her own mortality in jeopardy, I say, if someone wants to kill themselves, let’s do the same thing we’d do when someone comes around wanting to act stupid — get the hell out of their way and let them. In the case of Paris Hilton, or any other slobberish, sleazy, starlet (or star), I, for one, just don’t give a damn. If you ask me what I think — and thousands that I don’t have the time to individually respond to do — I think it’s much better to have the ruinously run lives rotting underground rather than having them run loose ruining the lives of the many above it. I know, I know. You’d never say it — but you knew I would. You’re welcome.
Years ago, long before Paris Hilton, conceived by disinterested sperm and egg donors too regal and haughty to ever be caretaking parents themselves (so raised by nannies), blossomed into the cheap, self-centered scofflaw and squealing tramp she is today, I discovered a great, powerful book in a bedside drawer one night while staying, weirdly enough it seems to me now, in a eponymously named Hilton Hotel, the Hotel empire her Great-Grandfather founded and built. Since Paris is going to have some free, uninterrupted time on her hands over the next couple of weeks (in between ingesting all the psychiatric drugs she needs to sustain her insanity), she might want to read it. I really doubt that she ever has.
No, I don’t mean the ubiquitous Bible you can find in nearly every hotel room. I mean “Be My Guest,” written by Conrad Hilton, her Great-Grandfather. If she took the time to turn its pages (and, yes, phonetically slur her way through pages, of course) she’d discover just what kind of timid, third-rate adventurer and wanton, fallen angel she truly is. She’d also discover, perhaps shamefully so, what hard work, perseverance and integrity her remarkable Great-Grandfather invested of himself to not only succeed at building the Hilton empire, which she and her siblings and other relatives now parasitically revel in, but what life principles he observed and honed to truly become a man who lived a full, powerful and grand life that came to be admired by people from all over the World (see book link and PDF Biography file attached).
Unfortunately, Paris Hilton was destined to become the ungrateful, snobbish, pretentious, pouty-lipped skank she has become. Her Dad — one half of the atrocious parent couple she was spawned to — got his lessons of ingratitude from his own father, Barron Hilton, one of Conrad’s sons. When Conrad passed away, still competently running the company at 91 years of age before he suddenly died of natural causes, Barron disagreed with his old man’s will-ed wishes to leave each sibling only $250,000 and most of the rest to the Roman Catholic Church. So after they laid Conrad to rest, eulogizing, I suspect, what a great and worthy father and man he was, Barron went to pissing all over his old man’s fresh grave as he got busy contesting his final, dying wishes. Mind you, never publicly contesting his father’s saneness or the fact that his Dad was the one that built the empire and that it was his wealth and money to do with what he damn well pleased.
No, he went and hired some shameless lawyers (likely at his dead Dad’s expense) who were semantically well-versed in the kind of stylish, obfuscating language that works real well when performing the fantastic storytelling demanded by fabricated legal briefs, the kind of language and stories that his own tough, upstanding father never put up with and many times punched right back into the smart-assed mouths of the same kind of litigious smart-asses. Decently raised to know that blood is thicker than water, Barron figured he’d one-up his Dad and take mentoring to the next level by teaching future generation of Hiltons that huge stacks of cash, piled greedily one atop another, are even thicker than blood. Of course, it’s always easier to make your court case when the defendant is dead. Then again, what do any of us plebeians know? Hundreds of millions of dollars might just be enough to cover the ransom your conscience forever demands once you hang this kind of covetous guilt around your own neck. Seems to work pretty well today for some of our most notable celebrities, including politicians.
It’s interesting to pay serious attention here to the deterioration parallels. They aren’t a coincidence. The character of the Hilton name has fallen in disgrace at the same pace and level as America’s, and most American’s, cultural integrity. Less than 100 years ago it was pride in the job one provided and the quality of principle the individual practiced that created and stood for success. Now it’s how pathetically low your behavior can go and how many paparazzi will jeopardize their own life and limb to sychophantically follow you around photographing your vulgar acts one after the other. All of the latter, mind you, now financed by the former.
Even those you might expect to stand up for regard of the law are, in the way they are handling the coverage of this, confessing their own ignorance and two-faced deceit. Many presumably knowledgeable pundits (including conservative Fox News personalities) have said, “Paris isn’t being treated fairly, she’s definitely getting a raw deal.”
Like hell she is. What and Who are getting a raw deal are our laws and the law-abiding citizens of this country. Laws are not unfair or fair. The law is simply THE LAW. It just IS. What the law is, is what the law is. Plain and simple. Laws are not (supposed) to be subject to relativity. Once they are, they are no longer laws. We can, again, thank the deteriorated culture and its relativity that this “anarchy” is becoming more and more the case. Using previous instances of leniency shown to other celebrity lawbreakers, some even committing more serious crimes, is not the gauge to use to determine appropriate punishment for Paris. The punishments already on the books are! Just as it was in every other lenient punishment enforcement instance before now. Unfortunately, in those previous instances no one was paying attention to it as so many are now because of the frenzied media debate going on. The leniency that was applied wrongly before is not what anyone should being use, now, to judge what is fair or unfair for Paris. Instead of once again using popularity, feelings and program ratings to rationalize continued leniency, what should be done is that an end is put to any more tolerance of it once and for all. Once punishment for breaking the law is determined by popularity, celebrity status and money, those who don’t have these things, yet have the decency and discipline to abide by the laws, are the very ones being treated unfairly and getting the raw deal.
If Paris Hilton is the prostitute now finding herself being made the example, so be it. We all come to make the beds we lie in. She’s made hers, too. And you can bet it’s not the filthiest one she’s ever been handcuffed to. Give me a break. She’s an absolute tramp. Her $1000 an ounce perfumes can’t begin to conceal her slutty stench.
Who knows, maybe she will become better for having the experience. She admits she “used to act dumb,” says she is through with it — isn’t going to act dumb anymore. She also says, “God has given me this new chance,” and that she’s “much more spiritual” and her “spirit and soul did not like the way I was being seen.” She’s even said she “might build Paris Hilton playhouses, where sick children might come, and the toy companies could donate toys.” Of course, I’m not holding my breath. And, since this all began, I haven’t lost one minute of sleep. One thing for sure. After saying these dumb things in the same interview she informs us she’s no longer going to act dumb, it’s obvious she means that she intends to drop the dumb act after she gets out of jail, not before.

Conrad Hilton Biography-PDF file
Your Founding Father of Ring Intensity,
Always Believe,

Friday, June 15, 2007

Mets v. Mercenary

fat young BillyYou know this prick wanted no part of this series.
In 10 career regular-season starts against the Mets, Clemens is 3-5 with a 5.14 earned run average. And now he's even older and hasn't faced a major league lineup this year. And the Mets lineup isn't loaded with the likes of Rey Ordonez and Jeromy Burnitz anymore.
Billy must've thought he was pitching against the D-Backs otherwise he wouldn't have showed up for that series.
When A-Rod hit the homerun off the facade of the upper deck in left Wednesday night, the whole team jumped off the bench to cheer. Not Clemens. He sat and high-fived his steroid supplier his groin masseuse. A million dollars a start? For this bastard? I really don't know how you cheer for these assholes.
Yanks have won 9 in a row. Mets have dropped 9 of 10. 2 teams heading in different directions. But the Mets are in first with a 2 game lead, the Yanks are in second, 7 1/2 out. I have a feeling this is just the wake up call Ricky Ledee and the Mets need. Win or lose, it's nice to know I'll still have a soul. Yankees fans can't quite say the same.

thought it was the ball
one way to beat him

I think it's time for a little payback for a couple incidents many moons ago.

What Shawn Estes tried to do wasn't enough for me.

Ball 1

Barring what would be a violent World Series, this is the last time the Mets face this asshole.

For real this time. Let's embarrass this douchebag.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Tony Larussa Ultimate Baseball Inspired WIS Sim League

Get in the game

Given the recent success filling the All Black QB Football League over at, Inappropriate Hugs is back at again, this time with a league for good ol’ baseball.

The league is themed after the classic Tony Larussa Ultimate Baseball game. While Larussa may be right up there on my All-Time Sports Douchebag list, I was always able to look beyond his frightening face and waste countless hours playing the game he helped design.

Hide the chidren

As a freshman in college (a good 6 years after the game came out mind you) my roommates and I played out an entire 162 game schedule on the PC. A nice mix of introversion, alcohol, insomnia, awful weather, lack of responsibility and money, and dedication helped us achieve such a lofty goal.

Face is getting sleepyWell since those halcyon days of youth, things have gotten more complicated and I can no longer shirk away from life completely and disappear into a magical world filled with crappy graphics, shitty sound, and Tony Larussa along with some friends.
But now, thanks to the brainwork of the guys at WhatIfSports, I can try and reconstruct the days gone by using their SimLeague Baseball simulator. In putting the league together, I tried to keep to a lot of the same principles of the old Larussa game.

Anyway, here are the ground rules:

  • Each team owner must choose one MLB franchise to represent and can only pick players from that team to fill their roster. No 2 owners can represent the same team. The league will be made up of 24 teams, so naturally some of the current teams won’t make the cut based on what teams the public demands. See the comments section for a list of available teams. In honor of the team I played with in my Tony Larussa league 10 years ago, I have selected the Minnesota Twins. My apologies to the nice people up there that would have liked to take them.
  • Unlike the Tony Larussa game, I’m limiting the players to the period of time from 1985 to 2006 for the Sim League. In the old game, you would end up having matchups like Honus Wagner vs. Christy Mathewson. While that’s cool, I’m more interested in seeing players I know involved. Grover Cleveland Alexander might pwn Andre Dawson, but I don’t really care to find out.
  • You cannot have the same player on your team more than once. It may be nice to have an outfield made up of Barroid Bonds seasons 2001-2003, but I’m not allowing it. Unlike the Larussa game, 2 different teams can have the same player though (example, both the Pirates and Giants can have Bonds on their rosters).
  • Owners must place their team in their home ballpark (any parks that team played at from 85’-06’ are eligible).
  • Team names must contain the city/state of the team first so it is easily identifiable. Feel free to bastardize the team nickname.
  • A team salary cap of $100 million has been instituted. This will level the playing field so the owners that picked the better franchises over the past 20 years don’t have a huge edge. It also means more role players/bad pitchers get to be involved which makes for a fun time. In the old Larussa game, the older franchises had a huge edge because they had a bigger time span to pick players from. The salary cap will limit that problem for franchises that weren’t around in 85’.
  • Trades will be permitted once league is filled to allow owners to address any weaknesses/over strengths your team may have.
  • The AL teams will have a DH spot, the NL will not. The leagues will be realigned when filled up to adjust the divisions correctly.
  • When selecting a team to represent, you must post in the comments section below which team you want. You will then have 6 hours to signup for the league and fill the roster for your team. If you don’t, that team will be available to others again (doing this as a follow up to my lessons learned from the football league).
  • League is restricted to newbies of the SimLeague Baseball game.

To join and play for free, click on the link and use Promo Code FXFBSLB7 and join Sim League Baseball League ID MLB67335. See the comments section for teams still available in the league. The league is open to all readers, and it'd be nice to get a cross-section of fans across this great land to fill it up.

In addition to the prize from WhatIfSports, the owner of the winning team will get 2 other bonus prizes:

1) A 1990 Donruss rookie card from one of the best, most steroid abusing players of this era, 2-time AL MVP, Juan Gonzalez.

not the error card, sorry
2) A 1991 NY Mets Calendar. Not exactly glory days.

shouldn't he be Mr. July?
Signup now and pick your favorite team… the promotional code expires at the end of the month.

SimLeague Baseball

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Attention Ladies and Gentlemen...

Your 2007 Song of the Summer has come out:

Stronger - Kanye West, featuring Daft Punk

Kanye needs a mask too
Version has an annoying DJ talking over parts... Guess he doesn't want to be murdered for the leak...
Edit (6/10) Old link didn't work anymore... Found new link w/ out dj if anyone interested...

But damn... this song is the shit. Can't wait for the retail version...

"You know how long I been on ya,
Since Prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoner’s
Don’t act like I never told ya."

Enjoy! (or ignore, I know that Kanye rubs many people the wrong way).

Oh... and to bring it back to sports... maybe there's some fight in these 2007 Yanks after all... Bizarro game tonight. Yanks blow 4-0 lead in the 5th (nothing new there), but they fight back late w/ A-Rod hitting the GW HR in the 9th off Papelbon... Rivera capped it off by retiring Ortiz, Ramirez, and Lowell in the bottom of the 9th (while hitting that huge goatee wearing clown Youkilis again). Turning point? We'll see...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Nice to have Benitez back at Shea...

What a fun night to be a Mets fan...

And I was even fortunate enough to be at the game.

After pre-gaming with Bad Steve (the birthday boy) and Tony G at El Chicano's on the corner of 114th St and Roosevelt Ave prior to the game, we were raring to tear into Bonds, Linecum and the rest of the Giants from our Mezzanine level left-field seats.

Well, by the time we made it around to our seats, Ollie Perez and the Mets were down 2-0 courtesy of a leadoff homerun by Randy Winn and a solo shot by another pure evil Molina boy, and some guy named Ortmeier was playing in Left field. not barroid

Perez settled in though, and my man Delgado continued to show signs of being a bear waking up from hibernation tying the game with the Mets first hit of the night in the 4th...

The other Carlos, contributed with a double to bring in Reyes in the 6th, but the lead didn't hold for long as that Bonds fill in guy hit a home run to tie the game off Perez in the 7th.

In the 9th, the Mets had a chance to win it, but Julio Franco (or, as the 4o something year old guy sitting behind us refered to him, "Dad") couldn't get the ball past fellow senior citizen Omar Vizquel.

I always hated Vizquel, but man, he is smooth in the field.

After that, the Giants decided to use the bullet they had on the bench in Bonds... Needless to say, he wasn't given a hero's welcome.

Fittingly, he walked and never came around to score. Interesting to note, Ben Johnson made his Mets debut tonight... The Giants however did scrap together a run off Joe Smith in the 12th, leaving the game in the hands of their closer and former Mets "closer" Armando Benitez, much to the delight of this guy, who waited the whole game to see him come out and blow it.
Benitez Lover

Not suprisingly, the fans didn't seem to care much for all the great work Benitez did for the Mets some years ago...

Reyes led off with a walk, moved to second on a balk by the never secure Benitez and moved to 3rd on a sacrifice by Endy. That brought up Beltran who needed nothing more than a simple sacrifice fly to tie the game up. And he grounded out to the drawn in second baseman.
That left it for my man Delgado... And before the 1st pitch, Reyes was coming home on another balk by Benitez.
Man can Armando fall apart. I almost feel for Giants fans (if they didn't support a steroid laden asshole, maybe I would)...
And Delgado put Armando and the Giants out of their misery with his game-winning, second home run of the game.

Some fun post game quotes about Benitez' latest meltdown:
Delgado: "It's not my problem," Delgado said. "His job is to pitch and my job is to hit."
Benitez: "I lost the game"

It's nice to have the cool players on my team finally.