All Five Rocky Movies in Twenty Four Seconds

I call this "The Essence of Balboa":

Greatest Congressman of All-Time

Don't let the fact that he is currently in prison influence your opinion of James Traficant...he is still the most quotable politician in our lifetimes.

Here is a smattering of his statements:

Screwed Up

I hate the fact that I am but an ordinary man, so I love to see it when celebrities, actors, athletes and public officials screw up in public. It lets me know that despite the fact that I have led a remarkably unremarkable life, I am still better than these people who just happened to be at the right place at the right time. So this is my attempt to broadcast the shortcomings of all of these notable personalities in the way that I know best.....by profiling them on our blog with its massive readership and huge ad revenue.

Up yours you fancy people with your complicated shoes!!!!!

Here is a small potato to get this rolling....UP YOURS QVC!!!


You may be falling down due to the ladder, but you will fall even farther after we are through with you....UP YOURS AGAIN QVC!!!


One celebrity (Sheppard Smith of Fox News) attempts to bring down another celebrity (J-Lo)....well I got news for the both of you....DOUBLE UP YOURS!!!


I'm sure you saw this one coming Sylvia Browne (or maybe you didn't)...but I think I'm sensing something......UP YOURS!!!


It is scary to think about all of the people who are plotting to ruin the United States....


I don't have to say "Up Yours" to ol' Bushie....he is already all over the concept of Up Yours:

Answer the Bell- Classic Mike Tyson Interviews

NSFW in parts due to language, but you can't beat an unhinged Mike Tyson. My personal favorite.

Tyson talking to a female reporter, "I normally don't give interviews to women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk...unless you want to...you know."

Iron Mike Tyson? Nope...Smooth Mike Tyson is more like it.

Photographic Evidence that Yankee fans are the worlds biggest assholes

Hillary says she's not a Mets fan and definately a Cubs and Yankees fan. So she likes the least and most successful teams over the past century. Nice to see she can't even take a stance when it comes to picking a fucking team to support. Well, she did exclude the Mets. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. I mean, a Mets fan. Tim Robbins may be embarrasing, but that's as bad as it gets. Let's Go Obama!

More Names...

Today is a great day here at Inappropriate Hugs. Why? Because there have been more names from the roid ring (ESPN) have been leaked, and, surprise, they are all professional wrestlers. The fact the pro wrestlers are using steriods is not shocking, but some of the names that have been released are (a bit). Without further adu, your march inductees to the 2007 Juice Hall Of Fame:

1. Randy Orton: No surprise here. From all accounts this guy is a giant douche (he once took a dump in one of the female wrestlers bags). Juice of Choice: stanozolol, nandrolone, anastrozole, Clomiphene citrate, oxandrolone and testosterone

2. Adam Copeland, aka "Edge": A little bit surprising.. as you can tell by the pic, he isn't the biggest guy around*. Juice of choice: HGH

3. Shane Helms aka "The Hurricane": This is surprising, I have seen this guy in person, he is pretty small*. Juice of Choice: HGH

4. Oscar Guuierrez, aka "Rey Mystero Jr": Another really small guy*. Smaller then the Hurricane, though he does look pretty jacked in this picture. Juice of Choice: nandrolone stanozolol

5. Eddie Guerrero: No Shit, this guy was as big as a5'8" guy could get, plus he died of an enlarged heart. He also had a sick mullet. Juice of Choice: HCG, stanozolol

This goes to show you, not all juicers look like this:

*For a wrestler

Edgar Sosa: El Tigre? More like Maricón

Everyone seems to be in love with the way Gus Johnson calls games. I’m not entertained. I find it annoying. And I certainly didn’t enjoy his 2 hour suckfest of Louisville freshmen Edgar Sosa on Saturday. I have Texas A&M as champs in my bracket and it was bad enough listening to the roar from the “neutral” Kentucky crowd during the game, I didn’t need Johnson fellating Sosa on top of it. Did you know Sosa was from the Bronx? Not sure if you caught that. He’s one tough cookie. Too bad he plays with the mannerisms of Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds. Anyway, I may be the only one looking forward to James Brown’s boring calling of the later rounds of games. Just thought I’d get my rant in against Gus.

Sayonara Balls

Some more ball slapping brilliance from the Land of the Rising Sun:

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Confesses

In a shocking turn at the U.S. detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, Al-Qaida's #3 has accepted responsibility for planning and executing the demise of the New York Knicks.

From his written admission: I planned the demise of this once great franchise from A-Z. After the loss in the 1999 Finals to the San Antonio Spurs I was filled with hatred at the joy New Yorkers received watching this team succeed. I immediately began infiltrating their operation, using the financial backing of Saudi royalty to sway James Dolan to our cause. I used my influence to get Frank Layden in at GM, leading to the decision to draft Frédéric Weis over hometown favorite Ron Artest.

I did not want to be too overt in my destruction, allowing the organization to plod along. Eventually, when enough old warriors on the team left and were replaced with boring, untalented players, we drove the admired and respected Van Gundy to leave the team in early 2001. At this point, my plan to devastate the Knicks went full throttle. My influence led to the hiring of Al-Qaida operative Don Chaney as head coach and directly led to the acquisitions of Shandon Anderson and Howard Eisley. With the mangling of the Knicks salary cap complete, the teams' power was rendered obsolete and their annihilation was forth-coming.

When the American public fought back and cried for change, Scott Layden was made the scapegoat of the operation in 2003. Little did they know, I planned for someone more menacing and hating of New Yorkers to take their place. Fresh off his success of destroying the CBA, Mohammad Atta, I mean, Isiah Thomas (who has disliked America since being left off the Dream Team), was named GM and President of team operations. Lenny Wilkens was brought in to help lead the sheep to slaughter. New Yorkers followed a mediocre team to the playoffs that year, where they were embarrassingly swept in the first round.

Courtesy of my ingenious management of the Knicks salary cap and draft picks thru trades and signings (Jerome James, Malik Rose, Jalen Rose, Steve Francis, Penny Hardaway, Jerome Williams, Maurice Taylor, Eddy Curry), the team would not have any hope of improving. The following season was wonderful, highlighted by Lenny Wilkens being run out of town. That was followed up with an ensuing circus, bringing in Larry Brown to coach a dreadful team with a ridiculous contract to further humiliate New Yorkers. That horrible team actually underachieved with a 23-59 record and the leagues highest payroll. Larry Brown was bought out and Isiah has been placed in full control as GM and Head Coach and now with news that he has a multi-year deal to ruin the team, George W Bush said it best, "Mission Accomplished!".

Wow, that's great news. Maybe now they can make some changes and put Isiah and Dolan in prison where they belong.

The T-Shirt Says It All

Now I have to admit I am not an expert in the rules of evidence (I'm still taking the class right now in law school), but I don't believe she can admit the statement on her shirt as testimony on her behalf.

Jerramy Stevens Tries Out Medicinal Marijuana and Booze Combo

In an attempt to cure his affliction of stone hands and lack of work ethic, the Seattle Seahawks's Jerramy Stevens has turned to the one tried and true medicinal combo.......the sticky icky and booze. Unfortunately for Stevens, the police don't look to kindly upon the use of these herbal remedies when the patient is driving, resulting in Stevens's arrest early Tuesday morning.

Stevens will be crushed to learn that you also can't use ganja to cure the pain from knees to the bizallsack.

Silent Library

Japanese game shows are unbelievably entertaining.....this show is called Silent Library, and the premise is pretty simple. Six guys sit at a table in a library, six cards are dealt onto the table face down, 5 of them are "safe cards" and the 6th one requires the guy who drew it to face the consequence listed on the sign that they flip over. Whoever draws the 6th card is supposed to just endure whatever happens to him while remaining silent.

I know...it sounds contrived, but it is hysterical.

(Oh, and that isn't a really tan Japanese guy, it is Ernesto Hoost, a K-1 kickboxer.)

The Limitations of the Internet

The internet is great for online shopping, current news stories, email, chat rooms, etc., but there are certain limitations to the content that is available on it. For example, you simply cannot find a video of a French tailor jumping off of the Eiffel Tower in order to test an overcoat that he built that was supposed to double as a parachute.

Oh wait, never mind, you can find that....oh you glorious internet!! You never cease to entertain me!!

Really? This is "evident progress"?

Looks like Isiah Thomas will be getting a multi year contract extension. Apparently 29-34 is considered "edident progress" by Jimmy Dolan. And here I thought the cable guy who hooked up our cable by drilling holes haphazardly into the walls, moldings and the aluminum siding of the house was just a lazy bastard, turns out he was angling for a promotion.

Isiah Thomas Has Compromising Photos of Jim Dolan and a Horse

The only possible explanation for Isiah Thomas's multiyear extension is that he has some evidence that Jim Dolan is a fan of human/equine lovemaking. There has been an improvement between last season's squad and the 2006-2007 version, but this hardly qualifies as clear and convincing evidence that Thomas is the right guy for this job.

He drafts well. That is it.....that is the only accolade that I can bestow upon Zeke with any certainty at all. He is still the king of awful contracts, dumb trades, and dumb non-trades (buying out expiring contracts instead of trading them). Oh, I forgot, he is also awesome at sexual harrassment. I want to make sure he gets credit for that.

Hopefully Dolan comes to his senses and realizes that his love for all things horsey is no longer a taboo subject in our society. If he wants to make sweet love to a horse, that is his business, but he doesn't need to foist Thomas upon us in order to make penance for it.